Like many many many moms-to-be (at least I’m guessing, I don’t have a lot of irl mom friends), a big part of my nesting craziness is a brand new obsession with Baby Vloggers. I’ve consumed an unhealthy amount of content on birth, newborn prep, hospital bags, baby-led weaning, and so many more embarrassingly rabbit-hole topics since I first discovered how saturated the internet is with Mommy Content.
While this was intensely entertaining at first, and while I definitely immersed myself in it to a degree that is probably unhealthy, I found something missing in all of it. While I loved seeing the super cute, flowery, positive-vibes-only baby hauls and day in the life videos, what I was really looking for was honesty: what will it actually look like when I pop out a screaming, pooping, needy little human and take her home with me? What is motherhood, really, outside of spending money on cute accessories and nursery tours? What does motherhood look like when you’re merging a mixed family, or turning a one-bedroom apartment into a comfortable space for a newborn and a five-year-old? How do I navigate the nasty, hurtful, and scary parts of life and still feel like a good mom?
The vacuum that this kind of good-stuff-only content creates leaves more than just an emptiness; it begs the question, “What makes me a good mom?” even with creators who claim to portray the opposite. When you strip motherhood of the difficult parts, of the embarrassing parts, you paint a half-picture that leaves room for doubt. And, don’t get me totally f*cked up here; not all YouTubers or bloggers do this, and many of them don’t do it intentionally. It’s certainly a byproduct of our society that we all feel that putting up such an impenetrable wall of positivity is part of being a good mom. That parents have to lose themselves in the façade of having all of their shit together. While entertaining and fun, it feels a little bit dangerous. Most importantly, it feels incredibly lonely, and if you’re reading this as a childless human, whether by choice or just because it’s not your time yet, you have no idea how lonely pregnancy and parenthood can be.
That seems counterintuitive. I know. But imagine you spent all of your life in one small town, and then you peed on a stick and suddenly you’re transported to a different town, with different rules, and different people and life is only vaguely familiar. An untouchable familiar. That’s how I’ve felt since I first peed on a stick, and as much as I’ve looked all over the internet in the five months I’ve been building a life inside of me, I’ve yet to find anyone I can really relate to. There isn’t much to account for unconventional families, or the acknowledgement of the challenges of having interracial babies, or people who don’t have super supportive families, or women who can’t afford all of the newest gadgets, or who don’t have a nursery to decorate.
But you get the picture. There’s a lack of realism, so to speak, to this new fold of the internet that I’ve discovered, and I’d just like to kind of put my big fat ass out there for the world–not to be judged, but to encourage other mamas and soon-to-be mamas to love themselves more. To find the normalcy in the mess and the chaos of motherhood.
That being said, if you are looking for some Youtubers who have some degree of real as opposed to the cookie cutter Millennial Martha Stewart impersonators that currently saturate the genre, this list is definitely worth checking out:
RawBeautyKristi – she gives a very honest and real depiction of what pregnancy, birth, and post-partum look like in a highly consumable beauty guru format that’s just really easy to hang out with. Kristi does not fit the mold, and you will love her all the more for it. Her story is dynamic and multi-fold and she tells it with clarity and love.
rnbfam – Bianca and her husband are equally fun and entertaining, and she does shed a lot of light on the grosser and more realistic side of life with a newborn (before, during, AND after), they do also portray an always-positive vibe if you need something that feels tangible but won’t get too heavy.
Laura Lee – I know that she is actually infamous, but she adopted her niece (maybe not legally? fact check me idk) and their parent-child relationship is a beautiful one to watch. She does also get into some of the more difficult parts of the conversation, so if you’re looking to adopt and thinking about a.) a family member or b.) an older child, she’s a good starter stop. There won’t be a lot of mal-adjustment discussed or behavioral issues, so it’s still pretty light.
Brittany Balyn – she’s a (very newly) single mom, and documents what it’s like to try to stay positive about your self and motherhood as a mother on her own. She is one that keeps things pretty sweet and sugary, so it’ll uplift your mood, but she’s goofy enough in a very endearing way that you don’t feel like she’s too unattainable. She could definitely fit into some of the categories I made fun of, but I have a sweet spot for her and her personality so check her out if you’re looking for something just a little bit “perfect”.
Marriage & Motherhood – okay, by now you’ve gotten the picture that a lot of these aren’t perfect in that they’re a little too perfect, but she’s just so charming and has the whole motherhood thing in the bag by now with all of her experience. She makes more practical videos and less showy ones, though you’ll never be lacking for aesthetics.
Sierra Schultzzie – Sierra has had a difficult road to pregnancy, and has been pretty candid about it, to the degree that she was able. She is also a very positive person, so don’t expect too much heartbreak or tears, but if you’re also looking to have a rainbow baby (or have had one), her channel is a great place to go for some mild honesty and instant comfort.
There are many many many other Youtubers to check out depending on your situation, but the main thing to remember is not to compare yourself to what you see on the screen. The one thing that all of these channels have in common is that they aren’t giving you everything. They reserve something for themselves so the content they put out on the internet seems at least a little bit picture perfect. That’s not what this blog will be, so go hang out with them for a little bit, and then come back so we can chat openly and honestly about your real feelings, real issues, and real life. Basically, if you’re like me and don’t have any mommy friends, I’m here for you, dude. Let’s be friends, and talk about real shit.
The blog will officially be live tomorrow and I’ll be posting every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. You can also follow me on Twitter for live updates on how much I bitch about pregnancy as well as shitty comments about shittier reality TV. I’m hoping to eventually rope my fiancee into doing a weekly podcast to accompany the blog as well, and, if all goes well, potentially start a Youtube channel, too. I think everyone deserves a Shitty Friend and I’m happy to fill that gap for you all.
Bebe Real 